Tuesday, 13 October 2015

Monday musings

Visits with Alexandros have been complicated since I started studying. Since then I've moved into a new set of classes that'll give me a childcare qualification and more of an opportunity in the working world. So it's better in the long term. Equally with these studies I have an afternoon babysitting job. 
But I don't have time off. I don't have the option of skipping class for visits. I'm obliged to get the kids from school otherwise nobody else will and I'll get into a lot of trouble. 

The social worker doesn't see it this way, he didn't want to move my visits to a Saturday, he wanted to cut a day out of my studies and when I said I couldn't he wanted to phone the centre. 

Eventually we managed to work out Saturdays but it means I'm no longer doing my English teaching weekly, and they've also cut my visits from four hours to one and a half. Claiming that because I won't speak to Alexandros in French he's not understanding anything that I'm saying. 

The thing is I don't like this and neither does the Parisian social worker. She's actually on my side that my visits should be longer and he should learn English. The real problem is he's three hours train ride away from Paris and I don't know when they'll sort that out. It's not doable for me. With everything else I'm finding it too tiring. 

So we've worked out a letter to send off to the judge, it's been sent and now I'm waiting to hear back. I've asked for weekends at my place. 

The social worker said that it's stupid I'm doing a childcare course and babysitting yet they rarely let me see my son. She said she'd stand up for my weekend visits even if the other social worker won't. 

I can see her point though. I'm studying childcare and babysitting at least two and a half hours a day. I'm alone with two kids around his age but visits are still treated as a privilege and not a right. 

Friday, 2 October 2015

Men spreading legs

There was a thing feminists stood up against within the last couple of years, men spreading their legs while sitting down on public transport. 

I found it mostly nonsensical because although I saw the photos on social media I'd never once seen it myself. I get the metro at least four times most days so I see a lot of stupid things, I've been sexually assaulted twice but I'd never crossed this until yesterday. 

I have to get the line 3 to go to my childcare classes for my work/study thing. Basically I'll get some kind of certificate which will lead to more studies or a job. It's a CAP, certificat d'aptertude profesional. I was amoung the rush hour traffic but it wasn't too busy so I managed to get a folding seat. These seats are big enough for two people to sit next to each other without touching, unless one person is obese. 

A couple of stops after I sat down a man sat next to me, not just spreading his left leg into my right, but shoving his whole body onto me. I shuffled over into my corner and he readjusted himself. 

I'm used to being packed into trains where everyone is crushing each other but it was the first time I'd had this. And after mocking the leg spreading thing as something that wouldn't be a problem once you'd sat down or similar I really get it. It's another excuse to make women feel uncomfortable, the same as creeps that blow me kisses or ask me my number. There's too many of these things to even list. 

I actually felt creeped out by this man, it was so weird. I'm hoping not to see this kind of thing again but sadly I think this trend is trickling over to France. 

Thursday, 24 September 2015

I saw a mouse

It's not the first time I've seen vermin in my flat. I ended up with a dog because we've seen a rat. 
Basically the owner was there all of august. He is disgusting. Doesn't clean anything, leaves food lying around and the like. 
I made the mistake of leaving a bag of dog food by the door and somehow it attracted a mouse. I came back a little late yesterday and swore I could hear rustling. I kicked the bag. Nothing. 
I went and did something else. It started again. Another kick. Nothing. 
So I pulled the bag and had a big scare. A little dark brown hamster sized thing shot out. I knew instantly it was a mouse. 
So I yelled. A lot. In French. And English. 

The problem is in France we have rabies. 

Tuesday, 8 September 2015

You turn me on

Angela taught me how to say "you turn me on" in Italian yesterday. So I spent all of yesterday messing around with this. Although it wasn't that funny. 
This morning, she was asleep and I went into the bedroom to get some clean clothes. I was using my phone as a touch and she rolled over. So I said loudly "mi ecciti" felling proud that I'd said it right. 

Instead of phrasing me she said I scare her. Sometime I feel so useless. I try and learn her language and all she does is put me down. 

Also I tried to curl my hair and my fridge curled six times more than the rest of my hair. And it's too warm to wear a hat. 

Tuesday, 25 August 2015

Things I have learnt from a month at my mother's

I've spent a month at my mother's house this summer, due to housing problems and a month long gap between studies. I'll probably not have another holiday for a year, possibly two depending on the work situation.

To begin with it was a novelty, being back in the dead end town. I spent years here and I've always hated it. However when I come back here on a holiday it's nice to wonder around aimlessly amongst people who don't seem able to or don't wish to see past the façade of emptiness. This town hasn't moved past it's history. It's quaint, but there's no future, no life. I've always described it as a retirement town, and although I see a slight change, there's more things in the town centre, I've not changed my opinion.

The other thing I understand more and more every time I come back is I was never here. I barely contributed when I was here, because I wasn't here very long and after excessive bullying when I was at high school I barely went out and had few to no friends. I can safely say I have no friends, seeing a total of three old friends while here for a month. I don't bump into people I've not seen for aeons because everyone has either moved away like me, or forgotten me completely.

At the start with it was nice, now I'm just lonely. I've not seen anyone for two weeks and it's like I've been here for too long. It's not my place here, that's what I've grown to understand.

I really understand how humans are temporary now, we'll be forgotten soon after death unless we're famous, and few people receive that level of fame. How many dead people can you remember outside of your own family? How many other people remember them? Case in point, we all forget. I'm not even dead yet.

Brambles grow quickly and they're a good anti-paedophile defence, because that bastard living here is still alive, and I'm not around to defend my family I'm glad to see that the brambles have grown meaning he now has to come up the front drive, rather than jumping over the fence and in through a window. However I have seen him looking over the fence. Hopefully he'll be dead soon because of his age, he has to be over 60, at least 70.

Too much free time is always a bad thing. Yes, I've cleared up a lot of things, got rid of many things I no longer want or need, but now I'm perpetually bored. I've run out of things to do, I'm still kitting but even that gets tedious after three full weeks.

I did go camping, but that was a disaster when one of the bags broke. I'm still working on my angry letter to Karrimor. Although I still raised £250 for Cancer Research, which I'm very proud of.

Soon I'll be back in France, next week I'll be signing my contract and starting my classes and work. Life is getting better. But my place is no longer here.

Saturday, 22 August 2015

Facebook links

I seem to link to a lot of things over on my Facebook page, and I thought I'd start putting them on here, so that if you've missed something you don't have to go all the way through old posts to find it again. I link a lot of things like supplies, books and knitting/crochet things. If you want to see more my facebook page is here. The knitting patterns can all be found in my Ravelry queue here.

Monday, 10 August 2015

It's this week!

JustGiving - Sponsor me now!
In two days I'll be on the train to Glasgow! In three I'll be on the bus, then starting the charity walk, hike, camping thing.

I'm excited and nervous. What if I forget something? It could be a hard week. Where did I leave my Swiss Army knife? Have I lost it? Eeeh, I'm sure I'll be fine, what's the worse that could happen?

I have a two midget tent, a comfortable hiking rucksack, a pair of walking shoes, enough Pot Noodles for a week, a gas stove and cooking kit. I'm sure I've covered all the bases here.

But if you've got some money to spare and you're willing to support us on this walk there's the button at the top of this page where you can donate. I'd be grateful, I've my reasons for doing this walk, but I don't feel I have to share them. I just want to do something special with this summer, something good for other people but beneficial to myself too.