Saturday, 27 June 2015

An experiment - Part 4

This is just getting stupid. Read the other parts and the intro if you've not done so yet.
Because of this series of posts Angela has taught me how to say "Chi vuole sapere se ho fatto sesso con una capra?" which translates to "Who wants to know if I fucked a goat?" but it's in Italian so it's 98% useless...

With a face like yours I doubt that's the primary reason. And he's then claimed that all day he's gagging for it. I doubt that.

I then had a break where my friend and I got through a bottle or two or wine... when I came back the afternoon the next day I had too many messages. Right, let's see what's come in.

I know nothing about my flatmate's culture.
These messages are all normal. Balls.

This guy could be interesting. I get two messages close together and a third as soon as I log on. Hmm, if I wanna play with this guy. MWAHAHAH.

And quickly I've been reminded that the only use for the measurement of inches to to measure penisi
penises. (Geek not Latin, grr.) Everyone has seven inches, which is weird because sometimes 7 inches is 2cm, like in the case of my ex, sometimes it's 19cm. But it's always 7 inches.

Friday, 26 June 2015

An experiment - Part 3

This seems to be the prick I've been looking for...
About Steve
Thanks for checking out my profile. My name is Steve and I'm not like anyone you've ever met before, unless you've already met me, since everyone is unique and that is what makes this interesting. I may appear arrogant and unattainable because I know what I want and don’t settle mediocrity. However, if you are fortunate enough to get to know me you will discover that I have a romantic side and believe in those spectacular moments when two souls collide in a spectacular moment and life is never the same again…
If you are the kind of girl who gets jealous and wants attention 24/7 then stop reading now as I have a little boy and he will always be my number one priority. However, when I am with you will feel like you are the only person in the room. Life is too short to waste time pretending to be what you are not and sugar coating reality to make it easier so one thing is for sure I will tell it how it is whether you like it or not.

I believe life is like a roller-coaster full of ups and downs and you can either spend your time wishing that you were somewhere else, or you can hang on tight and enjoy the ride! One day when you look back on your life you won’t regret going out with that guy who was sexy and just a little bit dangerous but you might well regret regretting it and letting that fear cause you to miss out on what might have been. In the end you have to decide! Do you want the mysterious, adventurous man, who will push you to help you evolve into something more while leave you wanting more in the morning, or do you want to settle for the safe guy who will leave you wondering what you missed and if this is all there is.
About the girl I'm looking for:
You are fun, adventurous, drama-free and not a pain in the ass. You are generally happy and laid back. You are attractive and take care of your body and health.The rest is negotiable (Well you can't be a blood relative)
If that sounds like you and you want to share some new experiences and see what happens from there then send me a message or add me to kik orangefish.h2g2 and we will see where our adventure takes us...

He sure as fuck is an arrogant twat. "If you are the kind of girl who gets jealous and wants attention 24/7 then stop reading" who actually does this? And then I saw his photos. I almost died laughing.

 Discreet photos of his BDSM kit. You'd barely notice them. If you were blind. Has this person ever heard the word subtle? Does he know what it means?

(especially of a change or distinction) so delicate or precise as to be difficult to analyse or describe.
"his language expresses rich and subtle meanings"

making use of clever and indirect methods to achieve something.
"he tried a more subtle approach"
  Hmm, I think this idea has slipped past him somehow.

Anyway, I'm now messaging him and he's talking about 50 shades, hm. I guess this is all just for show. We'll see.

    •  Hmm

Thursday, 25 June 2015

An experiment - Part 2

If you've not read the intro and the first post I'd recommend you do that.

Some bits are honestly funny. My profile picture got me this brilliant message.
Angela really didn't like that mouthful of pasta. She said no more pasta afterwards. She said she'd do things to me in Italian when I ate that mouthful of pasta. So I took a selfie. I'm a good flatmate.

Also I've found Mr Grey. I'll just leave this image here. It speaks more than I can.

Meanwhile I'm dying laughing at this. I left his username in because it's funny, his photo is funny, his mini bio is funny. I think he's playing the same game as I am.

So I messaged him, and then I left him behind.
And then came bedtime, what will await me in the morning?
How the fuck are there over 99 people that want to meet pasta face? 
So much for Mr Grey, he just wants a fuck buddy. Part of me is disappointed because that would have made for an interesting story.
If I told you I'd have to kill you.
I'm seriously asking if these are normal photos, I mean, there's loads with torsos, but someone who's shoved a cucumber down his trousers to make it look like he has a giant stiff one, the clown, whatever. I'm not even sure about the guy on the bottom. Looking for a supermodel, okay...
These things write themselves, I don't even have to put an effort it. 

An experiment - Part 1

If you didn't read this you'll probably not understand this stupidity.

Five minutes after that post I got this message.
Hi there, have a read of my slightly unusual profile and get in touch if you're interested x
Leading to this profile. It started normally, brown eyes, blah blah blah.
Well I'll be perfectly honest, I don't have time for a relationship. I have built up a business which is doing very well and keeps me VERY busy. What I do have time for is someone I can meet up with once or twice a month and spoil - whether it's meals out, shopping trips, gifts, accompanying me on trips abroad - let me be your sugar daddy! Maybe if you're a student I can help you fund your studies? If you think you might be interested in this sort of arrangement then get in touch :)
I don't have photos on here as I don't want my employees seeing me. But once we've chatted for a little while I can send one to you. 
Oh and I'm not actually 26 :) 
I think I found some bait!

The other messages are just "hello, how are you?" ho hum.

After an hour 50 people want to meet me. Okay then. And five messages. Gah. Slowly, but surely this is taking off, I could well have found a new hobby.

So I'm asking questions before I'll ask if I get minimum wage. The thing is every time I reply I have another new message, or five.

Wednesday, 24 June 2015

An experiment - Introduction

I am bored, this is normal. I'm meant to be doing work experience but didn't find anything, so I've had a month free, I'm into the third week and yes, my knitted shawl is advancing nicely, Hamish is fun but I'm still bored so what else can I do?

I've already caught up on all the TV I've missed since leaving the UK. Sherlock was amazing.

I'm knitting a shawl, I've also made a dinosaur and a jacket for Alexandros.

Angela is so annoyed she's threatening to cut me into piccoli pezzi whatever that is. I hope it's a pizza topping, I've always wanted to be pizza!

So I'm making a dating profile to play with pervs, because I'm bored. But I'm going for the most obnoxious profile I can think of, I will then ask for money, then block the poor saps. I'm a good person really. I mean, these things never work...

So I've decided on my photo, because I have some very good photos.
This is why Angela doesn't make me spaghetti any more.
And they'll be other ugly photos, I'm sure, the kind of photo that is sexually attractive to no one. And then I had to answer around 200 questions about who I am and the importance of relationships or whatever that doesn't fucking matter.
Who wants to know if I've had sex with a goat?!
Why does my first date matter, two people work that out when the time comes. I mean, really, they're exaggerating this psychiatric assessment.

After all this I'd already had 15 views and two messages. This'll be interesting I hope. 
Otherwise I've wasted a good hour of my life answering these stupid questions.

Friday, 12 June 2015

Drifting on through life.

I'm still working out how to present Hamish to my blog, my puppy who I got a couple of weeks ago as an early birthday present. He's very funny and creates plenty of stories on his own. He's a bit bitey but I love him. I'm also knitting like crazy, because I've got no classes and not a lot else to do. Otherwise life is like normal. I'm excited for my birthday too, but choosing presents is hard now I've had the dog.

Tuesday, 9 June 2015

I want to try spinning

Next week it's my birthday, and along comes the question of what do you want? I don't really know, that's the only problem... There's not really anything I need, the only hobby I really have is wool based, and the only thing I've really been wanting to try spinning for a while, basically I have a shawl in mind but can't find the colours I want. Annoying as it is. So I was thinking of taking up spinning to make my own yarn, I want something that's one colour with very gradual changes within it.

I've been browsing the web for how to spin using a drop spindle, the smallest one there is, and it doesn't seem too hard. It actually looks relaxing. My favourite video is here and explains it pretty well.

This seemed ideal as it's everything needed to get started with 200g of natural coloured roving, ideal to spin into sock yarn... and a little instruction book. 
And the roving that as soon as you see it you think "Andi's colours" so I could make a rainbow of yarn! Heheheheheh. Basically this is baby wool, before it's been born. Kinda the foetus equivalent of wool. I'm weird. You work with this, twisting it tighter to make wool, which you then weave into a fabric.

And why do I do this? It pleases me, it's relaxing.